Trust through Waves

It's 3am and the waves are spilling into the boat.  The disciples are terrified and doing anything possible to stay on board.  Whoever saw Him first initially doubted his eyes, but eventually reality triumphed.  "There's someone there" he said dumbfounded, not loud enough to compete with the crashing waves.  Then again, loud enough to expose his fear, "SOMEONE'S THERE!!" pointing to the black distance.  A figure was steadily approaching, hiking on top of the waves.  The disciples' fear transferred from the waves to the Person on top of the waves.  They froze.  "IT'S A GHOST!"  At once they heard Him reply from the blackness: "Be not afraid.  I AM here."  

Peter responded strong and afraid when the rest couldn't, "Lord, if it's You, give me the command to walk out to You on these waves."

"Yes, come."

Out he went, surrendering himself to the very waves he'd been thrashing against for hours.  But he found solid footing on this lake water, his only trick being his trust.  His eyes were on this Jesus who isn't overwhelmed by waves, He stands on top of them.  Peter walked toward this God-Man.  But to his right came a huge swell, and on his left he heard a gust of wind.  Instinct and fear pushed their way back into his heart and muscled out his trust.  He looked away from his Jesus and sank, falling into his surging doubt.  "Save me" was all he could get out.  Immediately, at that very instant, Jesus' hand was right there, helping him up.

As Peter stood, Jesus looked right into Peter's eyes and said, "Peter you have so little faith.  Why did you doubt me?"  Disappointment, love and unending peace was in Jesus eyes.  Peter was shaken and undone.  

The waves and wind that no one was paying me attention to anymore died as the two men climbed back into the boat.

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I wonder if Peter thought Jesus may have misunderstood his doubt.  He might have thought, "I wasn't doubting You, Jesus.  I was doubting the idea of walking on water compared with those waves and that wind."  That's what I've thought when I doubt.  It's the situation, not Jesus.  But that's not what Jesus said, and He's always right.  When I see the waves and then my fear conquers my trust, I am ultimately doubting the Person I trust, doubting Jesus.  

Deep sorrow fills me when I consider how many times I've let doubt rule me.  I am a huge doubter, and that has lasting pain on my relationships with God and with people.  No more.  

Let's keep walking on water, you and me, and even when we hear the rushing waves and scary futures and unanswered questions.  Let's keep looking straight at Jesus, our God above the waves.